the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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