BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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