So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
