there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
