I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
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