for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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