dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
