she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
