on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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