yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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