I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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