I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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