He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
