My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And then he peed in my hair
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