i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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