Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
