piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
