I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pants are for mortals
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
