Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
