Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
