someone get that fucking seahorse.
they need to just BURY HIM!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
