We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
