May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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