Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
