i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize