i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
