Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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