If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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