Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
