DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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