that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
