I haven't been this sober since birth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
