I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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