Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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