Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
