Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
