Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
