My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This baby is an asshole
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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