I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will be naked everywhere
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
