Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am naked and annoyed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
