why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
