I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
