It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
