Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
