mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
