how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
