A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
