Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
