You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
