I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I party with great urgency now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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