i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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