2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
