I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
