New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
