Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
