If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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