I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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