He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
