You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
