So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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