There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
