Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So vagazzling was a success
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
