Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
