either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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