Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize