Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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