you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
