i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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