just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
