woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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