my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
