My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
