so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
